Circumstantiality

My first time typing on a MacBook. It feels like I’m in some Ivy League College in Boston taking notes in one of the most complex classes of  Computer Science. It feels like I’m writing some sort of code that I’ve been wanting to write for the longest time. It’s like I’m in a dream. I dream of existing in a virtual world, pursuing my dream career in a world-class institution using the most advanced devices on the planet. I have navigated every app I can see, tried every feature that led me to uncover the complexity and ease of this machine. It’s my first time so if I say that I am fascinated, I hope you will understand. It’s like the childhood dream of going to KICC the building on the old a-hundred Kenya shilling note I admired. I always envisioned it to be sophistication of round beams of concrete lying on top of each to form the tallest building in my country’s capital, Nairobi. The day I saw it, I was disappointed because it was such a daunting task to unleash my childhood fantasy hidden between the tallest skyscrapers. I felt like a loser. I always knew that no building would ever surpass my adored KICC. I feel the same right now, just that this is a different kind of loss. I have always wanted to use a MacBook. The ten minutes I’ve been holding it just disapproved me of all the things I ever imagined about it. It’s like ordering some crunchy chicken wings on a hungry afternoon, instead, some soggy pieces are delivered and now your appetite is gone. Were my expectations too high or is Macbook overrated? A deep feeling of it is like a combination of all the features I have experienced from all other devices. Of course, there’s that accomplished feeling of running your fingers on it for a minute, but my dream is to fly over the moon. To write beautiful pieces that warm hearts. To bless souls with a minute of escape from this world.

All these have led me to this page: the heart of all my thoughts. 

This is the place where I feel most alive. 

Everything stops. 

The world quits spinning and I see the North Pole on my right with the sun setting on the horizon right in front of me. 

I feel like the owner of this small world yet so powerful and influential. 

I see everyone adoring my craft. 

I want to touch the stars and be one, but I don’t want to let you know. 

I keep thinking that you don’t deserve to be in this space. 

That you don’t deserve to see me through my thoughts. 

But the more I keep it the more it’s burning my insides. 

You deserve to be mesmerized by my abilities, 

my prowess in bringing you to live in my thoughts. 

You deserve the graceful pieces of art that I compose once for a very long time. 

You deserve the work of my invisible brain cells. 

I know you still want to hear my MacBook story, but see, we’ve got one problem. Two. Tangentiality and circumstantiality. I finally found the words for my condition. Tangentiality refers to a disturbance in the thought process that causes the individual to relate excessive or irrelevant detail that never reaches the essential point of a conversation or the desired answer to a question. A circumstantial thought process is also known as circumstantiality. It’s when you include a lot of unnecessary and insignificant details in your conversation or writing.

I can’t choose what to write because I don’t know the point I want to pass. So I will leave this one here for my future reference of the first document I made on a MacBook. I don’t know what message I’m sending by continuously referring to the MacBook, but I guess it’s a sign of good things about to happen so hang in there. See you in my next article/poem/thoughts/piece/book/song/dance/video/podcast/talk/performance/whatever for me.